Stay-at-Home Mom

First of all, I hate that title. It implies that all I do is stay home and mother. If only...

This blog is going to be a bit of a rant, but I don't want to sound like I'm complaining too much. This is just what a day home sick with Chris and Noah will do to you!

It started with the comment, "Well, I can't sleep in whenever I want." Picture me, seething: "Well, neither can I." I think people have the impression that because I don't have 9-to-5 job, I must just lay around the house all day. I don't know what your definition of "sleeping in" is, but it's probably not 8 a.m., following a 6 a.m. pacifier wake-up and a midnight cup-of-milk wake-up. That's if I'm lucky. Not to mention, Noah doesn't have a "snooze" button. Another of my favorites, since Chris stayed home from work today: "I only have one day to get well before I go back to work." Oh really? I have none. I'm working every day. No weekends, no days off, no sick days. Even when I'm feeling so bad that one of the grandmas relieves me, I still have to get up, get him fed breakfast, clean him up, change diapers, dress him, pack the diaper bag, pack some food, and plan on getting him back somehow. One of the nicer things about working outside the home is that eventually, after a long day, you get to leave. You get to wind down. Even if you work 50 or 60 hours in a week, at some point, you get a break. I miss that Friday afternoon feeling of freedom, driving home, looking forward to a weekend where I don't have to even THINK about my job. Hmmm...

I can't really blame Chris. I can't blame anyone who has never been in the position of having a hard job that no one really considers a job. I mean, I probably in some way used to have the same attitude, the "must be nice not to have to get up and go to work every day." Granted, this is a pretty sweet gig. I don't really answer to anyone but God and Chris, and I get to do fun stuff with one of my favorite people--go to the park, play outside, read books. I can't complain about my coworkers. But this job is challenging in a different way than other jobs. It may not be really intellectually demanding, like being an engineer or chemist; it's not incredibly physically demanding, like some labor-intensive jobs (although my doctor thinks I have tendinitis in my shoulder from carrying this load); it's not even a high-stress job at this point (ask me again during his adolescence). However, this job is tough in that there's so much on the line. I have to be on the ball with discipline, education, social interaction, and so much more, or else I could really screw him up. For how many other jobs can you not take a shower or eat your lunch without constant interruption? I feel a different kind of guilt for getting on facebook when I should be playing with Noah or tending to him, as opposed to being on facebook at work and worrying about the boss catching you. A lack of adult interaction and conversations that don't center around eating schedules, preschools, and pediatricians is something you never knew you could crave.

Again, though, this is the job I always wanted. I love it, maybe not the daily grind of it, but the purpose and future of it. I love the good moments, and they definitely far outweigh the bad. I just want to be taken a little more seriously by people, particularly my husband :)

On a final note, I do get a REAL vacation from my job when we go on our upcoming ski trip! My first true weekend in 14 months, and then some!